The Danger Fake Tattoos Pose to an Idiot

Warning graphic images of a melted shoulder below

A night held fondly in the memory is when we experimented with tattoo paper.  As we reported at the time, these glorious displays of body art were well received and brought a new level of respect to our already arresting upper arms.  There is, though, a dark truth that we have kept secret until now...

So, the tattoo paper advised complete hair removal from the area in question, this would have been easy if we were doing my head but unfortunately we were doing the shoulder region.  This is a tricky area because at first you think it is a smooth delightful area of the male body but on closer inspection it is revealed to not be the romantic scene one hoped for.

To ensure total smoothness it was suggested I might try Veet, excited by the prospect of this out I went to find said stuff.  Once I happened across an inviting looking tube of Aloe Vera Veet I bought it straight away and got home before heading out to the excellent local micro brewery open bar.  While there I was strongly advised to test the Veet on a hidden body part, such as the upper thigh, to ensure my skin could handle it.

I chuckled, walked home and read the bottle which warned me to test it before every use, to ensure no adverse reactions, and to leave 24 hours before applying more.  I applied a tiny patch to my lower neck and 10 minutes later applied the rest to my full shoulder and upper arm region.  Once the tiny hairs were scrubbed away I had a shower; this hurt a bit, but of course I had just had my shoulders scrubbed with the provided stick thing.  Out of the shower, over to apply some moisturiser to my still sore shoulders and my situation became evident as I let out a deathly gasp, I was in for a dark period of my life.

Such braveness, the lady behind doesn't realise she is near such strife

The pain was crippling, of a similar magnitude to giving birth I would hazard, and I spent the next 20 minutes grimacing and yelping while attempting to print off the stupid carp tattoos.  The night went well as we know, the main negatives were all the super excited people who wanted to get involved in the tattoo action and so kept slapping me on the shoulders, as though I were some cheap bongo provided for them to play with, Jager bombs only heightened the experience.  That night and the next few days the general feeling was the one where it seems like your shoulders are oozing goo from numerous raw wounds.

A week later and, well, this was the result (bear in mind it was summer and given my fair complexion there are a number of freckles, mostly though it is oozing damage):

The infamous "adverse reaction"

I must reiterate, this was all my fault for ignoring numerous levels of safety advice.

A brief conclusion; this was very painful and I will not be using hair removal creams on my shoulders again.  The good news is that my upper arms were completely unharmed.