Chunky Knit

When winter hits the UK, one of the main talking points is the cold temperatures. Not only do these below average temperatures close our trains, buses and any other public transport medium that allow dirty gyppos to ride down to the job center to sign on, but they also allow other chumps, looking for an excuse not to work, to phone their manager and say that the meagre amount of snow underfoot has soaked through the cheap soles of their shoes and rendered their legs too useless to make it in.

These low temperatures require a certain level of warm clothing, and this week Trend The Consequences is looking into the Chunky Knit. Fashion Gurus have been saying that the chunky knitwear is in this season, and we are going out to see if we agree. A decision was made to have the obligatory knitted jumper with an accessory. We went for the Snood. Having both obtained our appropriate attire, James and I met in the Gatekeeper at 21:30 for a few drinks before heading into the colder, wider world of Cardiff. The walk down from my flat was pleasant, the jumper was keeping my torso warm, whilst the snood was achieving the goal of keeping frost from my neck (and when required, ears too). However, on entering the Gatekeeper my temperature skyrocketed, I was now in serious trouble of getting a distinct sweat on. The snood needed removing, and so did the jumper. However the T-shirt I had chosen to go below the jumper was so tight and small (so that it did not wrinkle up below the rather tight fitting knit) I didn't want to get rid of it. So I had to ride out the heatwave, and managed it with a cool pint. James turned up as I was ordering, and we got a table.

Our Chunky Attire

So far the knitwear was blending into the sea of others wearing hideous Christmas jumpers and other knitted equipment, so the general feeling was that we were on trend, but there were too many others looking similar. We needed to get the hell out of Wetherspoons and into the heart and soul of Cardiff - Floyds.

Aggravated at the other trendy people in the bar

Floyds gave us another warm welcome, and getting the Jagers in and on the dancefloor we were strutting our stuff. The Snoods came in as decent accessories to use in our dance moves, and also a versatile clothing to wear in a variety of ways (I know this as I had to watch a YouTube 'how to' on how to wear a snood).

The latest trendy member of the X-men

One of the females on the dancefloor advanced quickly on James and I, giving us no warning on the invasion of personal space, attempting to drag us into the group that they had accumulated. Luckily she missed the obvious grab point of the snood, yet attached to one of our arms. However a quick shake, much like that which you would administer after using a urinal, quickly sorted that out. Clearly her adoration of the chunkyness of our clothing had turned her into a savage. Not much else happened in terms of feedback, and after a couple more drinks we headed out to our final port of call.

Live Lounge was banging as always, and on entering the bouncer complemented our snoods; clearly an admirer of the chunkier knit. We caught the end of the band, and during the set, a chap passed us and congratulated us on our snoods. He too was wearing a snood, however his was about as chunky as a marmalade sandwich and ours were clearly better.

The evening descended into trying alternative configurations of the snood, all which were met with positive (albeit mixed) feelings:

A restrictive style

A more common way

All in all the chunky knit was well received, although probably more of a trend to blend in with. Maybe the knitwear was flamboyant and in some respect it may have been more outstanding, however that would encompass another trend which is for another day.

The Chunky Knit: Warming, Common but pleasant.

Layered V's

Welcome back to Trend The Consequences and our look at the Winter trends of 2013. This is the first of the winter posts, culminating in the Ultimate Outfit Winter 2013 in a just over a months time. James and I have been perusing the fashion world to see what is coming this winter, and what trends we should be trialing. In the same way the Royal Air Force doesn't let chickens behind the controls of a complex aircraft, TTC doesn't allow it's authors to embark on a trendy season without first researching what styles are in.

This week we are looking at the layered V. This is taking the age old idea of adding layers (as seen in the photo of Joey below) over winter to stay warm, with the trendy V neck style that is not only tried and tested by TTC, but also a keen favourite of the NBA. There have been available for some time the v-neck with the V part coloured to make it look like two V's, and also the V neck that has a false piece of clothing behind the V to make it look as though you are wearing a layer beneath, however James and I are going authentic and layering up 3 different V'd garments and heading back in to Cardiff city centre to see what the public's reaction is to the style.

The classic layering of shirts (more fun when they are owned by your room mate)

On the day of the layered V, I headed into Cardiff to obtain the necessary tops. Luckily I already had a Deep V, so only needed a classic V-neck to go beneath and a deeper V to go on top. As it is winter, James and I decided that some form of V necked cardigan would finish the layering appropriately, and after searching long and hard, one was found. James managed to get a good'un from a charity shop, as the Summer edition of TTC didn't really make the big bucks we were really hoping for. But luckily our wintery return will change things for the better and this could be our last season (although to the potential investors reading this: there is plenty of life and cash in TTC).

On the walk to the Gatekeeper I really noticed how the layering was keeping me a perfect temperature. Should I have been a souffle, I would have been rising perfectly. However toward the end of the walk, as I was running a couple minutes late and therefore had upped the pace, I noticed that my temperature was rising and maybe the layers were too much for the mild temperatures of the evening. Much like a overcooked souffle could ruin one's dinner party, an overheated fashion blogger could poorly reflect on a trendy style. But on meeting James and having a drink my temperature soon settled.

The layering of V's

James had chosen an eclectic mix of an autumnal grey, purple mid-layer with a stripped thin cardigan whilst I had chosen to start with a light layer and darken as the V's got deeper. My top layer was a fairly chunky knit.

So far the layering hadn't been noticed, maybe the subtlety of our choices wasn't catching people's eyes, or even that the layered style is just mainstream. Whatever the case, we needed to head out to find some views. Floyds came to the rescue, and on entering we had drinks in hand and were on the dancefloor. For some reason there were only women up there, and you could tell eyes were on us as we walked up. We cannot tell whether the V's were drawing attention, or simply the raw animalistic predatory nature of the ladies within, but we simply were not left alone.

James being abused 

As can be seen in the photo above, the women were backing up into us and attempting to do a reverse grind type action. It felt as though we were being used as scratching posts, in a similar way that Baloo would scratch his back in the Jungle book.

One happy memory destroyed by the Floyd's clientele

Having been used to cure the itch of many of the ladies in attendance, and being stared down like a wildebeest at a lion's bachelor party, James and I both concluded that the trend was showing positive signs. Not wanting to engage in conversation with any of the Floyds' goers, namely as we didn't want to get stuck in some hussy's sexual advances, we couldn't get direct feedback on the layered V's. We needed to get to our final venue and see what information we could obtain.

Floyds confusion

In live lounge we caught the end of the band. They were playing some impressive dance music as well as some classics, but in the end all they were doing was occupying the stage. When finished they took a while to vacate, and during this time James and I made some admirers. A chap in a leather Jacket kept coming by, clearly thinking that we had similar clothing choices (i.e he was wearing a hefty outer layer, as were we). However this is where the similarities stopped; there was no sign of a V anywhere on his body (especially where it counts!).

Later, on the stage, we were confronted by a group of females. Some dialogue was exchanged back and forth and significant amounts of stage based dancing. The ladies were keen for James and I to join their group, much like in Floyds where we were being included in grinding based shenanigans. For the most part we accepted the attention, and were receiving seeming positive reactions to the style. James enquired with one lady, who kept (deliberately) falling over and into both of us, what she thought of my style and she responded in a puzzling but flattering way stating it was "sooo much better than what I'm wearing" (I as in her, not James). That was all well and good but didn't really help us with what worked, was it the V or even my simple jeans? Also if she thought she looked like crap then it could have meant I only looked OK. A lot more context was needed.

Since having time to mull over the attention, the attraction to the layers may have been a female survival instinct. Thinking about the walk home, once the evening was over, the ladies may have been looking for a strapping young lad to escort them back to their accommodation, and who better than a person with additional layers that, following a sad face, could be gifted out and never returned. This is a coy move on the female's part, and one that I fear is more likely to occur as the winter sets in. Therefore, to all the men that are thinking of layering up on your nights out, remember that there are ladies willing to whore themselves out for a cheeky bit of cotton for the walk home!!!

Pure joy

The layered V; Warming, versatile, yet attention from the colder species (females)

The Danger Fake Tattoos Pose to an Idiot

Warning graphic images of a melted shoulder below

A night held fondly in the memory is when we experimented with tattoo paper.  As we reported at the time, these glorious displays of body art were well received and brought a new level of respect to our already arresting upper arms.  There is, though, a dark truth that we have kept secret until now...

So, the tattoo paper advised complete hair removal from the area in question, this would have been easy if we were doing my head but unfortunately we were doing the shoulder region.  This is a tricky area because at first you think it is a smooth delightful area of the male body but on closer inspection it is revealed to not be the romantic scene one hoped for.

To ensure total smoothness it was suggested I might try Veet, excited by the prospect of this out I went to find said stuff.  Once I happened across an inviting looking tube of Aloe Vera Veet I bought it straight away and got home before heading out to the excellent local micro brewery open bar.  While there I was strongly advised to test the Veet on a hidden body part, such as the upper thigh, to ensure my skin could handle it.

I chuckled, walked home and read the bottle which warned me to test it before every use, to ensure no adverse reactions, and to leave 24 hours before applying more.  I applied a tiny patch to my lower neck and 10 minutes later applied the rest to my full shoulder and upper arm region.  Once the tiny hairs were scrubbed away I had a shower; this hurt a bit, but of course I had just had my shoulders scrubbed with the provided stick thing.  Out of the shower, over to apply some moisturiser to my still sore shoulders and my situation became evident as I let out a deathly gasp, I was in for a dark period of my life.

Such braveness, the lady behind doesn't realise she is near such strife

The pain was crippling, of a similar magnitude to giving birth I would hazard, and I spent the next 20 minutes grimacing and yelping while attempting to print off the stupid carp tattoos.  The night went well as we know, the main negatives were all the super excited people who wanted to get involved in the tattoo action and so kept slapping me on the shoulders, as though I were some cheap bongo provided for them to play with, Jager bombs only heightened the experience.  That night and the next few days the general feeling was the one where it seems like your shoulders are oozing goo from numerous raw wounds.

A week later and, well, this was the result (bear in mind it was summer and given my fair complexion there are a number of freckles, mostly though it is oozing damage):

The infamous "adverse reaction"

I must reiterate, this was all my fault for ignoring numerous levels of safety advice.

A brief conclusion; this was very painful and I will not be using hair removal creams on my shoulders again.  The good news is that my upper arms were completely unharmed.